#06: Walking on the wrong side of the road
The privilege of having more than one place to call home; and all the in-betweens
I am writing this from Zayed International Airport in Abu Dhabi where I have been the past 3.5 hours, waiting in transit from Singapore to Munich. It’s 1:25AM here, 10:25PM in Berlin and 5:25AM in Singapore. I am a little sleepy, but more from the lack of sleep than of timezone changes.
I take pride in my ability to beat jet-lag, at least most of the time. My body has somehow ditched my internal body clock and instead, adapts almost instantaneously to my external environment. I guess that is one of the practical skills I’ve picked up from being nomadic.
Emotionally, I am in different places all at the same time. Sitting here in Abu Dhabi, I am almost exactly in-between my motherland and the continent that holds my many new homes in the past year.
While I wait for my flight to Munich, I am thinking about how a new chapter would begin once I step out of that plane. Fabio and I will start van-searching and hopefully live on the road. In the meantime, I am reminiscing my 1.5 months back in Singapore this time, feeling fulfilled by all the familial re-connections and most of all - grateful that I have people to go back; people who welcome me with open arms and make me feel at home again despite my decision to leave.
Being back in Singapore this time after a long while of being away, I noticed that I am gradually becoming a little more of a stranger to this place I had spent all my life in. The first thing I noticed was the thickness of the air - something I was never really conscious of before. Then I started walking/cycling on the wrong side of the road because I got so used to the right-side. And then I began to long for the waters to be just slightly colder when I was surfing - a shocker, considering how much of a tropical bird I am.
Being the emotional drama queen I am, I initially felt a tiny tinge of sadness that I am becoming “foreign” in my own country - and this is coming from a person who claims to be global and not nationalistic. So what is this attachment I’m holding?
There are a few things that I become more certain about since being back in SG this time:
I do not see myself living here full-time
I am a much better person for those around me when I have my freedom
I am incredibly lucky to have people to come home to; people who still feel like home
That said, I still sometimes (rarely) question my decision to be nomadic. I know it is what I have been wanting, and I know it is what I need right now. But every once in a while, I get challenged internally: I feel sad to be missing out of my niece and nephew’s growth, my dog and parents are getting older, I miss the perks of having a routine like going for consistent aerial trainings…
But as I rush through this little update of Sleeves before boarding starts, I am at peace with my decision, remembering to embrace every part of my process, for it is all of it -the good, the bad, the sadness, the beauty, the clarity, the confusion, - that makes it what it is.
Currently listening to: Walk On The Wild Side by Lou Reed